This will be our second Valentine’s Day as parents. I have no idea what we did last year to “celebrate,” but I don’t really remember what I was doing last week at this time, either. My memory has never been all that reliable… or helpful. My guess, however, is that we ordered a heart-shaped pizza, stayed home and went to bed at a reasonable hour. Just because the calendar read Feb. 14 didn’t change the fact that we had a…
When I rolled over to check the time on my phone, it was just past 5 a.m. Macklin had been crying on and off for at least the past half an hour, fighting a return to sleep despite the patient efforts of his mother. I tagged in about twenty minutes later to resume the rocking and rubbing, but the magic touch had gone momentarily missing from my hands as well. He was up for the day, and so were we….
Last month, less than 24 hours after the presidential election, Macklin became the first American to get screwed over by President-Elect Donald Trump. History books likely won’t make mention of the incident, so let me share the story with you now. On Wednesday, November 9th, Macklin made his television debut on Valley News Live’s North Dakota Today morning show. I was there, too, supposedly as the feature attraction, but Mack quickly stole the show and I was rightly relegated to…
It came out of nowhere. One morning, I was sitting on the lone remaining spot on the couch left unclaimed and uncluttered, trying to guzzle down my first cup of coffee before my 15-month-old son, Macklin, discovered I had something he did not. For unimaginable reasons, his main mission in life right now is to sneak a sip of scalding hot coffee. Me, being the adult in the relationship, consistently denies him the opportunity to experience second-degree burns. I know,…
Check it out… our first guest post! Mrs. Full-Time Dad (aka Macklin’s mama, Emily) was tired of waiting around for me to write something new, so she took the liberty of penning her own post. Enjoy! Last week Macklin had one of his regular checkups. As Mr. Full-Time Dad was on duty as usual, the boys went to this appointment on their own. Not surprisingly, he’s in the 97th percentile for weight, 90th percentile for height and 100% cute. He took…
It’s 2:51 p.m. on a Monday afternoon. Macklin has been asleep for just over two hours, and I’ve just finished bleaching the bathtub and pre-treating his first set of clothes. He’s teething… again. But unlike the first round several months back, this time it’s the molars that are breaking through, and it’s borderline barbaric. Imagine jagged fists of enamel not just punching you in the gums, but punching through your gums. For days, no less. That’s what’s happening to Mack,…
For the first eight months, everything I observed about parenting made sense. Macklin’s cries for food, a fresh diaper or his mama followed the rules of cause and effect—every problem had a relatively obvious solution. I understood this new infantile roommate of mine. Mostly. For eight wonderful months, that thing called logic was still a thing and my brain didn’t hurt. But what I witnessed during month nine of my son’s life—about the time he started crawling—had me doubting that…
Confession time: I may be a bad father. Why? Because I didn’t fall in love with my newborn son the very moment he emerged from the womb. In truth, I don’t think I fell in love until about week three. Does that make me a bad father? I hope not. Before you report me to social services, let me be very clear: I absolutely adore my son. (I mean look at him. How cute is he?) But it took time for…
Next to beached manatees, crying babies have to be the easiest prey in the entire animal kingdom. Although, I don’t think manatees are known for their boisterousness. They probably just lay there contentedly, waiting for the tide to take them back out. Hmm, I guess I was wrong—even a motionless, half-metric-ton of lard has better survival skills than the animal supposedly at the top of the food chain. I tweeted this out about a week ago, and it might be the…
Earlier this week, I tagged along with my wife and seven-week-old son on our monthly trip to Costco, my most favorite of shopping destinations. Costco is a modern American bazaar, where you can find just about anything you need for every single room in your home. On a good day, you’ll even encounter a good old-fashioned salesman offering amazing (but limited) deals on things like smoker grills, $500 blenders, and infrared saunas—you know, the necessities. When you’ve got a kid…